Sunday, June 22, 2014

frozen yogurt shortbread bars + coconut + chocolate

I want to say thank you to all the kind people at Foodista and Food Gawker who featured this measly, blurry picture filled blog on their sites. How you inflate my ego internet. Now I can't walk down the produce aisle without knocking down apples. (So with the cooking unrelated introductions aside, so do the cooking related introductions begin)

In the beginning of the summer of my sixteenth year, I made Frozen Yogurt Shortbread Bars (and watched TFIOS). I'm sure all of you have seen The Fault in our Stars in movies, but for those of you who haven't what's wrong with you. But, this blog isn't about movies or whether if Shailene Woodley and Ansel Elgort are dating, it's about food, good food, especially fudge swirled creamy coconut frozen yogurt layered upon delicious buttery crunchy shortbread food. 

This chow creation was born out of my desperation to escape the beating heat of the San Diegan sun. And I know what some of you may be thinking, "I didn't know San Diego had it's own sun?" Troll much. You don't know how many trolls spite me and mock my ambiguous 10th grade wishy-washy grammar. Anyways. People of the internet and beyond, before you can graduate to Frozen Yogurt Shortbread status, you need to learn how to make the veins of Easy Vegan Hot Fudge Sauce that is swirled throughout this dessert. For those of you who need me to say, click the orange link.

So. Those of you who are reading this have either pressed the "chowtinue reading" button, in which you've sealed your fate by permanently branding your user history with this url, or, you're here because you found us on some other site in which you've indirectly directly sealed your fate. Don't worry there's nothing shady about this site, we won't try to sell you anything (notice the lack of advertisement in the columns), the only thing we advertise is delicious chow creations, and our latest one is this [insert this week's chow creation]. 

In all seriousness this is seriously one of the most seriously delicious chow creations we've had on this blog so tag along as I show y'all how to make it. [end of food related introductions/by filler]

Preheat the oven to 325. Lettuce begin with the crust. Cut up your butter into small chunks and let it chill in the freezer. Cold butter equals flaky crust. The more you chow. In a food processor pulse together confectioner's sugar, granulated sugar, and salt until fine. Carefully not to pulse it for too long or else it'll burn. Add in the flour and butter and pulse it for 20 seconds until pea-sized pieces form. Pour the dough into a 9x9 inch prepared (greased and floured) pan, and press it into a single layer. Bake for 35 minutes, or until the top is tan, don't bother to take it out if it is still pale. Color is a chef's flavor indicator, "brown food is tasty food" (Chef Anne Burrell). 

Let the crust cool on the tabletop or on a rack on top of the tabletop. You should wait for the crust to cool before you add the coconut frozen yogurt filling. You don't know how to make that? Well let me show you. 

I feel like two pictures of honey and yogurt is redundant, but I like it.
In a small bowl whisk together coconut milk, yogurt (I used plain and unstrained), salt, and honey. Taste for sweetness, if you like it sweeter - keep in mind the shortbread and chocolate swirl are going to be sweet - then add more honey. When it is smooth, and the crust has cooled significantly, you can continue with the step suggested in the paragraph before. 

If there's one thing I love more than the beautiful freedom of America it is, swirling designs in food (how about your family...them too). With your reserved coconut hot fudge sauce (assuming you resisted your primal urges not to drink the sauce straight from the jar) dollop teaspoons of it throughout the yogurt. You should heat up the sauce in the microwave to make the swirling easier and more elegant. Using a toothpick, draw circles, dragging it through the drops of chocolate sauce to create swirls. Make the design as you please. 

Place the entire pan into the freezer to chill. It should be frozen in 6 hours, but overnight would be best. 

When the bars have frozen take a knife, a bowl of hot water, and a towel to aid you in making clean, equal pieces. You don't want to mess up here after slaving away in the kitchen and waiting anxiously in your bed all night to have the first bite. The hot water is for dipping and warming the knife, and the towel is for cleaning and drying off so the cuts aren't dirty. The knife is of course for waving around like a ninja when no one is looking. This recipe will yield 9 generously sized pieces. Reserve in the freezer if complete consumption is not achieved. Kitchen thieves will make sure that these do not see next week's dawn. There's no need for me to tell you/guess their shelf-life expectancy (3 months).

And as always, 



for Shortbread Crust
10 tablespoons unsalted butter, cold
2 tablespoons powdered sugar
2 tablespoons granulated sugar
1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
pinch of salt

for Coconut Frozen Yogurt
1/2 cup yogurt, plain & unstrained
1/2 cup coconut milk
3 tablespoon honey, to taste
pinch of salt

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